NOTE TO ALL READERS: Be sure and read the DISCLAIMER at the end of this comment, so as to avoid unnecessary confusion, offense, and violent convulsions.

Patrick, it’s easy. You must remember this one pearl of wisdom: It’s all in how one carries himself. One can’t be on the sidelines and be like the Waterboy. No, he’s got to be the Quarterback out playin’ the field…a lil’ Reformed Cassanova, if you know what I mean. Consider these jewels:

1. You must exude confidence in your demeanor, and your words ought to be delivered with a force about them.
(one liners)

2. You must be able to churn out the one-liners at the drop of a hat…and in the case of rejection…oh, nevermind. That WON’T happen if you follow my advice herein.

(one liners)

3. Never appear “too” interested in any one particular lady…at least, not for now. That whole courtship thing can wait. I mean, we’re Calvinists, right? If it’s God’s will, it’s gonna happen, right? We’re just robots anyway, so none of it matters. Even if you’re really fallin’ for the gal, hey man, make it look like you’re “keeping your options open”…know what I mean?

(one liners)

This instills an insecurity deeply within the women that will always have them coming back for more. They’re thinkin’ “Oh, no. What must I do to prove my affection for him?!” And bodda bing, bodda boom, she’s showering you with all sorts of affection (godly affection, that is…holy kisses, etc.)

(one liners)

You may say, “But, Josh, this is quite an underhanded way of treatment for someone whom you may someday marry.” Nahh…think about it, Patrick, we’re all born filthy sinners. Who can trust these ladies? Former children of wrath? Come on!

(one liners)

4.Did I mention “one liners”? These are invaluable! That means “pricless” for those of you in Rio Linda. No, you need to invest in some one-liner audio tapes, and get them drilled into your mind. You know the type…”Hey, are you tired? Cuz you’ve been running through my mind all day long.” Chicks dig that stuff….ESPECIALLY Reformed Chicks.
DISCLAIMER:

This comment was written totally and completely in jest. It does not, in any shape, form, or fashion, truly reflect the beliefs, attitudes, or sentiments of this comment’s author or the author of this blog (http://jessica.solideogloria.com). The sarcasm, tongue-in-cheek, strawmanic, and absurd nature of this comment was almost purely for shock value and a good laugh. To what percentage it was not for shock value and laughter, it was to show the utter foolishness of a non-Christian worldview and to exemplify how such a worldview plays itself out practically speaking in our world today. Unfortunately, some of this mindset has pervaded the church and should be abhorred, avoided, and actively enaged against by Christian men who would seek to treat their Sisters in Christ with the utmost value, honor, chivalry, and respect to the glory of the Most High God and His Son, Jesus Christ.

By the way, Patrick was just being too kind & humble in his comments above. His inbox is currently flooded up with letters from those who plunged for his contact info (esp. after the blog entry).

Although it’s true I’ve received hundreds if thousands of emails in my inbox since Jessica’s post, I’m sorry to report they’re all from Jessica’s suitors either (a) asking me why she deigned to devote a post on her weblog about me or (b) challenging me to a duel.

The first is like asking a peasant why the princess decided to throw a few copper pennies his direction. The peasant hasn’t a clue.

And, I won’t get into it, but if you think about it a little the second is even more absurd than the first.

On a more serious note, though, “Matchmaker” aka Charles is a friend and not a real cupid. If you click on his name, you’ll see he owns an online Home Health Resource store (selling great health products & medicinal herbs). In light of his comments above, though, I think he recently confessed he’s been consuming an overdose amount of herbs, ha ha ha ha.

Of course, if this were the kind of movie I usually watched before I quit frequenting arthouse pictures… nevermind. Nobody wants to go there.